Thoughts

So next week is the three month mark on my first relationship. Now, I am not the type of person to mark every anniversary, I believe that's rather dumb. The only anniversary that should be celebrated in my opinion is your wedding anniversary. However, it did cause me to think.

Reflections thus far on the relationship: I enjoy it, it is one of the greatest pleasures in my life right now. A is an amazing guy, and he treats me like a princess, which is more than I could ever hope for. Plus he is very understanding and supportive of my past childhood sexual abuse, and is very patient with me. That's a thing that is hard to find, and I don't blame most men for shying away. It takes a very special person to deal with that. He was my closest male friend before we dated, and I am so glad it was him. It's like having a best friend, only you can make out with him. In other words, I am truly smitten and unashamed. :-)
However, it is very weird being part of a "we". I enjoy at times, at others it is somewhat disconcerting. I am not as much of an "I" as I once was. I was used to having plenty of me time before this (though I will admit I was rather lonely at times as well) and enjoyed doing things by myself. I suppose I can still do that, but it's a bit different. The space in my head is taken up a bit. I don't know how to explain it. It's like you're all alone, then suddenly you get this extra arm, and you're not sure what to do with it. I feel in a way like I have lost a bit of myself, and I am not sure if I like it or not. Sometimes being with someone feels like a ball and chain around my ankle. I can't do things alone a lot. But I didn't totally enjoy doing them alone in the first place either. It's like, I got something and parts of it are great. Some aren't as great. But nothing in life is perfect. I guess I just hate feeling trapped. I like to free to do anything I want, and this is different for me. However, the pros majorly outweight the cons. I am a very happy girl.
Idk...more reflections later. For the moment, I am liking it a lot more than I dislike it.