Songs that make you go: WTF?!

Today's post is dedicated to songs that make you go blink and yell: WTF??? Because they're just so weird. Or stupid. Or both. It's those songs that are just so weird, you have to laugh, because you don't know what else to do. Other than run from the room screaming, which might, in some cases be as socially unacceptable as some of these songs are.

1. Clowny Clown Clown-Crispin Hellion Glover
It's a general rule in this word that anything made by Crispin Glover (George Mcfly in Back to the Future and The Creepy Thin Man in the Charlie's Angels movies for those with slow-or perhaps mercifully forgetful where Glover is concerned-memories) will be suitably bizarre. He's just that cool. In fact, I had a tough time choosing which song off his only album, The Big Problem Does Not Equal The Solution, The Solution Equals Let It Be, to go onto this list. After all, there is his extremely bizarre cover of the Nancy Sinatra favorite, These Boots are Made For Walking, where he whines like a little girl (then again, when does he not?). Then again, there's his song, Auto Manipulator (which sadly I could not find a working mp3 of), a song about masturbation, where Glover states:

"Women are sweet, and girls are honey
But beat your meat and save your money."

So ladies, never go on a date with Glover. Besides that fact that he wears the same cheap nappy suit to every premiere (check out his photos on wireimage if you don't believe me-the truth is there), he's cheap, and can't keep his hands off his wang.
Another choice was The New Clean Song which is suitably bizarre in itself. (Listen to it yourself. I don't even wanna try and explain this one.)
But ultimately, in the end, I had to go with Glover's song, Clowny Clown Clown. It details the story of a clown Glover saw sitting on a mound, barking like a hound (maybe it was an literary illusion of an ugly woman?). Then the clown leaves, and he is sad. All of this song is delivered in a flat whiney monotone that Glover is so adept at. Better yet, there's a music video. Notable for Glover's weird attempts at dancing or something. Wouldn't you have loved to play the slightly sexy clown in this?



Epic video.

2. Start Wearing Purple-Gorgol Berdello.
I love this guy. First off, I can't pronounce his name, which is always awesome, since people can't pronounce my last name. I feel for people like him.
Secondly, he has this really awesome Hungarian (or Russian, or Ukrainian) accent. If a song is sung in that accent, that automatically makes it cooler in my book. This accent (and his weird fashion sense) makes me feel that perhaps he is a starving clown who has just escaped from the gypsy circus. Heck, his style of music is even called Gypsy Punk. Life can't get any better than listening to some weird Hungarian guy telling you to start wearing purple. Heck, maybe I will!

Start wearing purple people! Or you sanity and wits, they will all vanish, I promise-just like Gogol Berdello's when he wrote this song.

3. Ding Dong Song-Gunther and the Sunshine Girls
Yet another artist with whom I had a hard time deciding what song to put onto this blog.
There are so many options after all-Pleasureman (with lyrics proclaiming Gunther's sexual prowess), Teeny Weeny String Bikini (with lyrics proclaiming Gunther's sexual prowess), Naughty Boy (yet again with lyrics proclaiming Gunther's sexual prowess) and the classic, I'm Your Man-G.U.N.T.H.E.R.
which features his initials being spelled out with each letter representing something such as G for Gracious.
All classic hits are off Gunther's first album, Pleasureman. There is a review of this album on the appropriately titled site, i-mockery.com in (again appropriately titled) the "Albums That Sucked" Section. Gunter (aka Mats Soderlund) apparently is well known around the United States for penning and performing hiliriously bad songs. The sad (or funny) thing about this guy is how seriously he takes himself. He really does think he is sexy as those acid washed jeans you owned in 1985 with his mullet, handlebar mustache, white jeans, and aviator circa 1985 sunglasses. Take a look at his website (or better yet his myspace or flickr site featuring photos complete with commentary from Gunther) which opens to a picture of Gunther in his full naked glory, a wine bottle covering pertinent parts (since he is so small) the words "Enter the Empire" next to it. Clearly this man is on a mission. He wishes to promote his four tenants "Sex, Glamor, Champagne, and Respect" to the world. He wants to show us true sexiness, yet ends up a laughing stock. Poor Gunther.
So what made the Ding Dong Song stand out among all these obviously classic WTF?! hits? To be honest it was the first line (and chorus) that got me stole my heart:

"Ooo...you touch my tra la la
ooo...my ding ding dong"

That's an example of classic writing right there. (Though supposedly Gunther did not pen the song, according to the oft inaccurate Wikipedia, so don't take my word for it. It was apparently penned and performed by the Dutch Group-what is it about those Europeans?-called Phill & Company in 1984. It's title back then was Tralala.) Ooooo....my ding dong! Seriously, what grown straight man refers to his dick as his "tra la la"? (Then again, he is European, and Swedish at that. Remember, Sweden also brought us ABBA....)
For added fun, here is Gunther's music video for Ding Dong Song. Caution, only permitted for viewers 18 and up! Minors could get traumatized by Gunther's supposedly sexiness.



4. What What (In The Butt)-Samwell
So you're a black gay man, and you just want your preferences understood by the world. What ever shall you do? Then one day, the idea hits you like a Lance Bass-you can write a wholesome little ditty about anal sex! It certainly will promote peace, love and tolerance. It'll be awesome! After all, who will laugh at your music video featuring psuedo seventies imagery (used because the seventies was the era of love obviously) fake motions of gay sex, and pants that say "What" in sparkly beads on each cheek? That would be homophobic and politcally incorrect.
While the song is funny in itself, the music video is a classic. Check it out (though proceed with caution, this song will scar you for life!):


It's been days since I've seen it last, and that song is still stuck in my head. I have to fight the urge to sing "What what, in the butt" on the subway. Not good. All I have to wonder is, is Samwell really delicate like a flower? Seriously, this song should become the official gay anthem. They could sing it at all the gay marriage protests. Can't you just picture it now? Thousands of gay men screaming "What What, in the butt?!" then hooking up in seedy hotel rooms afterwards? Beautiful.
Sadly, I could not find a mp3 of this classic hit (Hypem how you have failed me!), though according to Samwell's website, the song is avaviable on itunes. You can also hear it in streaming form on Samwell's myspace.